Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
