and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
