I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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