There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
