i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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