It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
