Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
