I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
