Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
