So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
