i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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