bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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