I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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