Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
