The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
