I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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