@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
