We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
