i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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