i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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