a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
