Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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