I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
