My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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