Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
