I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
