the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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