so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
