Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
