i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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