I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
