I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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