Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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