I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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