I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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