Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
