If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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