I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
