girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
