i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
