dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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