I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
3pm strippers are depressing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
