i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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