Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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