sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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