sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
