I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
