I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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