plz talk dirty to me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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