There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
