He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
