apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
