we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
