We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
