sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
