What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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