she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
