3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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