Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
