I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
