Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
