Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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