Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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